dolly parton and body positivity

Screen Shot 2018-12-13 at 2.38.24 PM.png

The other day I watched one of those Netflix originals movies called Dumplin’ (based off a book of the same name by Julie Murphy), and for some reason it just grew more and more on me and I actually ended up watching it twice in a row (the second time because I wanted to share it with Jake). I’d say I was drawn to the film because it depicted a coming-of-age story and body positivity in a better, more realistic light. Rather than stick to tropes about the misunderstood teenager or underappreciated mom, the story came into its own by the protagonist teen learning to accept her reality (being overweight) and not let her own misconceptions color or limit her life experience. I know that’s vague but I am attempting to avoid spoilers for anyone interested in watching it.

A majority of the movie characters also fan-girl over Dolly Parton and use her songs and words as inspiration to live their best lives, such as:

  • “find out who you are and do it on purpose”
  • “you’ll never do a whole lot unless you’re brave enough to try”

among many others that pepper the movie with external applicability and general charm. The whole point of the movie, besides family bonding, was to show the importance of developing confidence and trust in who you are and those in your life who support you, even if you don’t understand how or why.

I feel that this resonates so strongly with living with eczema. It can be a constant battle to accept yourself in this skin, and not assume everyone is silently judging you or that you don’t belong. However, it is also crucial that such feelings don’t stop you from being genuine and always trying, even if it feels uncomfortable. And as for those supporting you, you have to be able to accept that they see you beyond your skin, because the skin you’re in doesn’t define who you are.

I personally don’t know much about Dolly Parton, but after watching this movie full of her quotes and songs, I am inspired to learn more about her and listen to her music, especially if I’m ever feeling down. Dolly Parton fans feel free to throw out recommendations.

I also inexplicably wondered what it would be like to have regional eczema balls (the dance kind), that allow those living with eczema to let their metaphorical hair down and mix and mingle in a somewhat formal setting to create their own sense of magical community and touch of the unexpected. Actually I do know how that got into my head. I had been talking with a friend who got into dancing and it just felt like something that could be a lot of fun. Just imagine if you had a room full of understanding people who get the red-skinned, elephant-wrinkled, constant itch and snowflake life, and so they can all dance despite it, no worries, just silliness.

 

Cover photo from: https://variety.com/2018/music/news/dolly-parton-signs-wme-1202719870/

happy nonsensical non-sequiturs for winter

three brown wooden letters wall decor
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

I know usually I have this whole elaborate set-up of a theme that then ties back to eczema or life with eczema, but today I am just winging it. Today I feel like chatting about all the little random things that have been going on since it’s a new month and the winter season is basically in full effect here as it hit below 20 degrees Fahrenheit the other day!

I guess the first big change to announce is that we are moving! We’ve put our home on the market and we are just waiting to see who bites before we take a chance and move to try living nearer to Jake’s work (re: into the city). This will be the first time I live in a city proper, and though we don’t plan to buy, and don’t plan to live there too long, it feels like it’ll be an adventure of its own.

Though it seems like an impromptu change, we’ve been talking about it for a while and we realize it will help improve our health in a number of ways. One, the commute to Jake’s work is a nightmare (almost 2 hours one way now), and the traffic even in our town, which is a fair distance from the major city, almost always is brutal, even just trying to drive to our grocery store. Today we started looking into studies about how commutes can impact quality of life. Multiple studies indicate that longer commutes increase adipose tissue, blood pressure, and more, and not just because of driving entailing sitting for a long time. This older NPR article was a fun read about how to be happy where you live, as well as how humans can get used to all kinds of factors: cold weather, higher taxes, etc, all much more easily than they can adjust to traffic.

Then another reason for our desire to move besides the commute is that our neighborhood is lovely, but it is a bit difficult to navigate by foot, which tends to be my preferred mode of transportation. Trying to walk around the neighborhood with Fiona means me wandering along quite a few hilly roads with no sidewalks and drivers that often zoom by blindly unaware of my approach, or me getting my choice of which dead-end road I want to traverse and then reverse back up, and me encountering few neighbors because the local stores and community areas are QUITE a hike for me to tote a baby to right now, especially with the temperature drop. Not being able to roam is definitely making me into a hermit and decreasing my NEAR and exposure to outdoor weather.

So in short we are moving (or rather, prepped and ready to move as soon as we close the house sale). When we do close, Fiona will be driving us to our new place as she has been taking lessons with dad:

Screen Shot 2018-12-06 at 9.48.13 AM

We’ve also been trying to create other ways to help improve our health including getting into more herbs and pickled things. We are trying to work on increasing our micronutrients in our diet, and my foray into herbs (beyond the seasonings we put on food already) has started with tea. I came across this recipe from Commonwealth Herbs for gut health and I am enjoying it immensity. You drink a quart a day, and each quart has 2 tablespoons of the herbal mix. I followed the basic mix, which includes chamomile, ginger, fennel, licorice, plantain calendula, and peppermint.

Screen Shot 2018-12-06 at 9.49.07 AM

I also have been getting into using this frother stick thing that Jake got me that makes me instant “latte” foam. My newest “milk” that I’m experimenting with for my lattes is hemp milk and I love it. It’s got a weird aroma that reminds me of marshmallows in hot chocolate and those Vienna brand finger cookies from my Poppop’s house back in the day. On that note I also think it would be delicious on top of some hot chocolate… but I’ll try that another day.

Screen Shot 2018-12-06 at 9.47.54 AM

Speaking of tea, I got that mug at Marshall’s the other day (because I’m trying to make a collection of eclectic mugs), among other things- things mostly gnome-themed. I do love me some gnomes. I’ve been making this joke a lot, but it’s starting to look like Gnomemas in our house. We got a standing gnome to guard the front door that is currently taller than Fiona, a gnome-themed blanket for me to use in our TV room when I get chilled, and this lovely gnome couch pillow (shown below). Not to mention my personal travel gnome, Schmebulon Junior (I’ll be impressed if anyone knows what that name is in reference to). All in all I’m feeling festive!

Screen Shot 2018-12-06 at 9.48.54 AM

Also I got Jake into the spirit, so he co-decided to get this runner for our dining room table, along with a little tree plant, and I got this weird looking wooden polar bear.

2018-12-06 10.17.06.jpg

And of course we’ve started amassing presents. Though to be honest, most of them are belated birthday presents for my sister who I haven’t seen since the summer!!

2018-12-06 10.17.02.jpg

We have yet to get the tree though and we still have yet to put up lights, but we are getting there!! Projects for the weekend.

Speaking of gifts and “tis the season”… I am now the proud owner of The Lord of the Rings all-in-one trilogy book. Jake and I are still working on developing our ‘winter season is Tolkien season’ tradition and this is starting it off! I am quite excited though I do still have 7 library books to finish off before I can delve into only Tolkien.

Screen Shot 2018-12-06 at 9.49.17 AM

And lastly, the other day when we were out and about during an our open house, my family trio went to Salem and explored. My eyes fell upon this little guy and it was love at first sight: Screen Shot 2018-12-06 at 9.49.31 AM

It’s a heating/cooling pad that can be put in the microwave or freezer respectively to get it the desired temperature. I am always cold so I love warming him up and throwing him over my neck. Ahh, it doesn’t get much better. And the fact that it’s shaped like a sheep is just another plus as I love sheep things as much as I love gnomes.

But how does it all relate back to eczema? Well, this time of the year can be incredible rough to the lay-skin person (my word for a person with intact epidermal layers). It’s getting dark around 4pm, there is less sunlight overall so we all can become vitamin D deficit more easily, the cold makes all skin dryer and heating systems do the same, and the holidays are spread out enough that everyone feels like we are just sprinting to make it to the next one. Now add that disastrous skin barrier and generally a weakened immune system when people tend to spread sicknesses around the most, and we have a recipe for months of frustration. That’s where the winter cheer and enjoying the little things really becomes so important. I have been trying to throw myself into the little warming moments like seeing my little one in an elf hat, or getting a heating pad in the shape of a sheep, or making challenges with my husband to do 30 consecutive days of walking outside together even if it’s freezing outside. Obviously I can’t control the temperature of all buildings or always keep myself warm, so instead it becomes important to focus on the fun: those day to day minute tokens that can create a lovely atmosphere all around, and buffer the time in between when we can go spend the holidays with our family. The overarching goal is de-stressing via just enjoying life, and embracing seasonality and festivities personally really helps.

If you are feeling winter weather blues, I advise giving it a go. Dress your house up with small things that embrace your chosen beliefs or just the weather (like burning pine and fir candles or decorating with snowmen and colors like blue and white, evergreen and touches of bright red. Drink hot beverages of choice (tea, hot cocoa, mulled wines, hot toddies), and make time to spend moments with people you love. Get outside to feel the bitter chill bite your cheeks, just to make coming back inside feel so nice as you thaw again. Read a seasonal book, watch a seasonal movie, or listen to some seasonal music, while ensconced in thick and warm home blankets. Take warm baths with whatever your choice of salts and scents are, garb yourself in colorful scarves and hats and mittens, and see how you feel. Make this time special and memorable and let me know if it makes winter and your skin feel a bit more bearable.

 

REFERENCES

Hoehner CM, Barlow CE, Allen P, Schootman M. Commuting Distance, Cardiorespiratory Fitness, and Metabolic Risk. Am J Prev Med. 2013 Jun 1; 42(6): 571-578.

“How to ‘Thrive’: Short Commutes, More Happy Hours.” NPR: Talk of the Nation, https://www.npr.org/2013/02/18/171926131/how-to-thrive-short-commutes-more-happy-hours. Accessed 6 Dec 2018.

one year mark

bright celebration christmas color
Photo by Martin Hauenstein on Pexels.com

With everything that’s been going on, I completely forgot to note that it’s been a year since I’ve been off topical steroids!

It was about this time last year that I found out I was pregnant and thus decided to give up topical steroids cold turkey. I had read that using them during a pregnancy could result in developmental delays of a fetus (if using too strong a dose for too long, or over too large of skin surface area), so instead I decided to completely cut it all out. Long story short, my eczema has been complicated by topical steroid withdrawal since that point, like I’m on some sort of a topsy-turvy roller coaster ride.

In fact, last night I had to have Jake cut my wedding band off my finger because my finger got so swollen and neither ice nor lubricants helped bring swelling down or get the ring off respectively.

20181202_010856.jpg

It was a sad and frustrating moment where I realized that despite all my perceived healing, I still cannot even wear any jewelry (minus my tragus piercing, which I think is only fine because it’s an area of the ear that has more cartilage than skin or nerve endings).

20181202_072458

Necklaces, earrings, bracelets, everything else tends to bother my skin (or be scary to wear like in the case with the ring yesterday).

I’ve also been struggling with bouts of intense nighttime itching, which has resulted in me scratching myself open more, (even when wearing gloves) as I have less mental fortitude to prevent myself from doing so late at night. The worst I’ve done so far was on my leg the other day, which definitely warranted some wound care attention.

20181130_132701.jpg

I remember as I scratched that I felt it start to weep but it was still so excruciatingly itchy, almost as bad as when I get hives, that I couldn’t stop.

So what’s a girl to do especially with the winter onset and the heater constantly running? Make a skin plan of course!

My current plan is as of now comprised of the following steps (in no particular order):

  • Get a new dermatologist (we’re moving soon) and make sure to request bloodwork and a skin prick test (the latter if my back can stay flare-free enough to do so)
  • Research about best emollients and supplements that include essential components for skin and skin healing (like ceramide and filaggrin) and confirm with new derm
  • Consult an herbalist to work in more herbs into my diet, bath, etc and to help address my sleep issues more naturally
  • Figure out more about the endocannabinoid system and what else helps it besides CBD oil since said oil is quite pricey
  • Take the dermatology technician certificate to get a better clinical understanding of dermatology and what doctors think (without having to go to med school and then through a dermatology residency)
  • Get myself moving more again. Brave the cold and go for more walks and seriously get back into intense yoga because it helps
  • Avoid all added sugars including honey and maple syrup until my inflammation has dissipated a bit more
  • Contemplate seeing a psychologist to address my excoriating disorder and stress issues
  • Fix my diet overall which includes following seasonality, eating a more diverse array of vegetables,  and keeping track of what I eat too
  • Read more books on eczema including ones whose contents I am on the fence about
  • Learn more about newer treatments including dupixent and eucrisa
  • Get my life together enough that I can participate in calls in the online eczema community program I am involved with

There are probably more pieces of my plan that I’ve forgotten and a better step-wise way to present them but I’m too worn out to care right now.

Sometimes the constant skin drying out or the fear that what I ate is hurtng  me, or the annoyance at having to adjust so many commonplace day-to-day activities like how my husband can touch me or how I can hold my baby really get to me. I can see why it’s so easy to turn to a medication that can quickly get rid of symptoms, yet for many of us, our skin conditions have become the result of such medications, which feels like a betrayal of the modern medicine world, like science has failed us.

I need to do a post on topical steroids soon, and how they work, and then read and talk about how the newer medicines on the market work and how they are faring. There is no miracle cure to illnesses and quick acting solutions can come with a price. It seems more and more important to show that there will be some level of struggle involved for those unlucky enough to be susceptible to this kind of condition.

“how doctors think” about eczema

assorted doctors tools
Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

A few weeks ago I finished a book called How Doctors Think by Jerome Groopman and oh boy do I have thoughts. First off I have to say that the book had its fair share of  downer moments because it had a lot of cases of patients with cancer who struggled with doctors to find plans of care that extend their life just a bit more.

But other than that it was full of all kinds of information about different schools of thought that doctors employ to help their patients. Two specific ones it mentioned included the evidence-based and algorithm-based approaches.

With the evidence-based approach, the doctor relies on existing research, especially those that have a large amount of studies behind them. The issue with this approach is that doctors often default to using said heavily-backed solutions without inquiring or considering less numerously-backed ideas. This could become a problem, say if a new drug has tens of studies done on it, all sponsored and paid for by the company that produces the drug, while an alternative medicine or treatment may have great results but only a handful of studies supporting it, In that scenario, it’s almost more of a research field monopoly,  rather that robust results that gives the drug the good reputation, causing the doctors to favorite it more. In relation to eczema, where these ideas can be applied is in understanding how to approach doctors in a way that doesn’t cause them to default to automatically prescribe topical steroids (the long standing, most heavily-researched atopic dermatitis prescription option) as the first line of action.

With the algorithm-style approach, the doctor can follow a flowchart style of logic that’s been proven relatively effective over time. Its basically like having a graph that has arrows from each option to a few subsequent options, like:

“Does the patient have X cluster of symptoms?

  • Yes = Prescribe drug A.
  • No = Run test 1.

Is test 1 positive?

  • Yes = Give drug B.
  • No = Run test 2.”

And so on, and so forth. The flaw with this approach is that it doesn’t allow the doctor to think outside the box, which Groopman argues can result in said doctor trying to fit a patient nicely into an existing “flowchart” result, even if there are some signs or symptoms that don’t quite match up with that diagnosis. This may be the case when someone has other co-morbidities too or when someone has common symptoms of two very different diseases (like this example of a woman who was using topical steroids and found out she had lymphoma). For this problem it can be useful to ask the doctor what are the best and worst case scenarios of diseases that fit the presentation of symptoms. Asking this can help a doctor think beyond their initial conclusion and more thoroughly work to rule-out other options.

Another significant point the author makes is that for doctors to really become better, they must remember their mistakes and use that vulnerability to inform their care. He gives examples of renowned doctors who literally have binderfuls of their mistakes that they reference to maintain humbleness and act as a forcing function to always push themselves to improve. This might be a more difficult conversation to have with your doctor as I imagine no doctor enjoys being asked, “so let’s talk about all the times you royally effed up with patients”.

One last subject the book addresses that I’ll bring up is the pressure doctors implicitly face when they accept any form of samples or gifts from big pharma companies. It’s not that all pharma-marketed medicines are bad, but that you want your doctors’ reasons for choosing a specific product to come from no other influence than that they believe it works and have seen that said products have good efficacy. This is why it can be hard to decide whether or not to use samples a doctor gives you as you don’t know that they really think it works or if they just happen to have them around from a sales pitch. A question to ask in this case might be “have you seen a lot of positive outcomes from use of X product?” Another way to foray into this territory with a doctor is to ask about long-term results, as well as what are any known side effects (this could apply to eczema-related products like topical steroids to non-steroidal creams or biologics or brand-name moisturizers). If something sounds too good to be true, it’s probably fairly new to the market and so the longevity of effects haven’t been tested. A further question to ask is if there are any cheaper off-brand equivalents because those usually only come out after something has been on the market for a while.

These are just a few of the points that the book made, that I’ve tried to connect back to how to talk with your dermatologist about eczema. There are more factors involved that could make the process more convoluted or impossible in some instances, but I do think these provide a light foundation to attempt to build a stronger relationship with the right doctor.

Speaking of the right doctor, I have an older post that goes more into making sure you feel comfortable and that you have a good rapport with your doctor, which was another huge point Groopman made in the book. He explained that a patient who is difficult to treat, simply by having complex issues that don’t respond to more common treatments, often ends up being resented by the doctors, and as a result gets worser care. The suggestions in the book for overcoming these kinds of doctor-patient relationship issues is to say something like, “I know my condition is difficult” or “I feel like we got off to the wrong start” to help try to make the doctor aware of their negative emotional bias.

On the flip side, a patient that the doctor likes too much may also get worse care if the doctor makes overly sympathetic emotion-based decisions like skipping tests to not inconvenience the patient or by avoiding procedures that may cause the patient pain, etc. To overcome this issue, it can be as simple as saying “please treat me like you would a patient you knew nothing about”, and hopefully that should provoke the doctor into making sure they’re as analytical and diagnostic as possible again.

I’d love to hear about any particular experiences you’ve had with your dermatologists in the comments, and whether or not you agree with my suggestions, and also from any doctors out there reading this.

thankful for eczema?

art birds business card
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Happy late Thanksgiving!! Though I thought about doing a post earlier in the day, I preferred to spend the time loafing around with some of my loved ones, so instead you’ll have to contend with me rambling on about what I’m thankful for during these last few minutes of the day.

First off, what I am most thankful for is my family and friends (who are essentially non-blood family). I love their colorful personalities and wouldn’t turn back the clock and try to change any moment in my life if it was at the risk of not having all my people here in my life. Now with that clarified, it’s onto explaining the title of the post.

Though it is currently driving me to take a daily bleach baths and use antihistamines, in some ways I do find myself thankful for having had to experience eczema. That statement alone may seem crazy given how much my skin drives me nuts, but not as mich when I de-focus my minute experiences and look deeper as to where my eczema journey as a whole is leading me.

Because in actuality what it has led to is me here in this moment thinking long-term about:

  • what plan of action to take next with my skin (when I’m done breastfeeding Fi)
  • if Jake and I will want another biological baby one day (a thought we ponder given that many newer treatments that target genes and whatnot have not been tested for long term effects), and
  • on all manner of futuristic positivity (like “this flare will pass”, “I can use this time to really focus on writing and on building up my women’s health knowledge for future career directions”).

I continue to find myself thirsty for knowledge, and subsequently scouring the world for new research studies done, as well as comparing and contrasting the results to better inform myself about options available, which I then use to create a skin plan (post on that coming soon).

But what in particular am I thankful for that eczema has “given” me? Primarily four things:

  1. Perspective. I have not only learned to be more aware when all systems are go and my skin is more functional, but also that I can understand the limits of various aspects of medicine, understand the desire of people to offer their suggestions for alleviation, and understand that I may never know my specific causes or triggers but I have to learn to deal regardless.
  2. Resilience. This has developed from having to fight for new normalcy without seeing the finish line of my efforts, as well as from having to learn to deal with visibly not looking normal but not always being able to hide away until I feel better.
  3. Flexibility (of mind). I have been forced to change my approaches and my attitude around living with a disease that is still being researched and has no known cause, and
  4. Bravery. I’ve been provoked to be seek out ways to help spread my experience and open up about my life via a medium I always wanted to pursue but was too afraid to previously.

This has been a challenging and weird journey, and continues to be so, but I am getting through as best as I can and finding new side quests along the way that almost make it feel worth it. Speaking of side quests, that reminds me of this meme:

1fl13i

What about eczema or your own battles are you thankful for today (or any day)?

“have you tried…?” survival guide

Yesterday was my 27th birthday. Yes, I know it’s not my eleventy-first birthday or anything, but I am going to impart my own bit of wisdom from my meager years of life. Also from November 1st through New Years is Tolkien season for Jake and I, so expect a lot of references.

In these 27 years I have often heard the question “have you tried…?” in regards to moisturizers and supplements and all manner of things that one might think could help me with my eczema. While all good-intended, I think there needs to be a narrowing of the question so that it is focused, and therefore more easily answered.

What I mean by that is, when someone asks, for example: “hey, I noticed your skin; have you tried using coconut oil on it?”, a potential answer on my (or any eczema-living human’s) end could be “have I used coconut oil for what purpose?”

That first clarification requires the questioner to expound upon their thoughts. Are they asking because my skin is dry? Because it’s red? Because it’s itchy? Because they think they have an idea to balance out my skin microbiome and kill potential S. aureus overgrowths? It lets the question receiver have a context to delve into to make the initial question into a conversation.

One misconception about eczema is that it’s just dry skin. If it was just dry skin, yes, using virtually any (nonalcohol-based) product probably would help alleviate the problem. However, eczema is more than its visible crocodilian facsimile. It is an autoimmune disorder, meaning there’s a underlying cause for the external appearance, and so though you can help the condition by addressing the skin issues, the idea of there being a blanket  solution in the form of a single moisturizer ends up feeling a bit naive and potentially frustrating.

So a gentler way to education about the various aspects of living with eczema is to require the questioner to be more concise. If they are thinking “oh your skin is so dry… you should try (insert moisturizer here) to help” then we can get somewhere because we can be like “yes that may help the dryness but I also suffer from other symptoms of eczema like skin sensitivity, and so I can’t use (insert moisturizer here) because my skin reacts poorly to (insert an ingredient)” or answers of that nature.

If someone asks if you’ve tried a product because of your skin’s redness/inflammation, you can respond in kind with “no, I haven’t. How does this product reduce inflammation?” and learn something new. Or you might have the opportunity to respond with “no, I haven’t tried it but I’m working on reducing inflammation via diet right now, eliminating sugar and whatnot and reducing stress”.

In a nutshell, if we can get the questioner to be more precise with why they are recommending the moisturizer (or whatever product type) for, then we have a chance to have a deeper conversation about what we’ve tried and our logic for why we tried it, and also increase everyone’s health literacy, including our own. And you know me and my love of increasing health literacy. 

So speaking of health literacy, here’s a list of common eczema symptoms that can be inserted into the question receiver’s responses to help figure out what the questioner is trying to address:

  • dry skin
  • flaky skin/peeling
  • redness (rashes)
  • inflammation
  • skin heating/flushing
  • itch (of course)
  • fissures/skin cracking
  • wrinkles
  • bumps/acne (often due to scratching)
  • excessive palmar lines (a fortune-teller’s nightmare) indicating a lack of filaggrin protein
  • sores
  • weeping (usually from the open sores)
  • insomnia
  • infection risk (again from scratching, but also just from having a compromised skin barrier)

And with that short post out of my head, I’m now off to enjoy my birthday week (as I spent the actual birthday day driving in the car 8ish hours to visit my parents).

Catch me off blasting my parent’s retro speakers and dancing around the house like:

And/or probably heading out to enjoy yet another of the Harry Potter world movies, Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald. Can I just say how much I love that they come out around my birthday time, and have been since I was in second grade?

I’ll be the one sitting in the theater all giddy like:

insomnia nights: fighting imaginary battles

Photo from wiki

Since I get insomnia a lot and end up writing a lot of blog posts between 1 and 4am, I figured I’d start a series called “insomnia nights” which will feature the weird places my mind goes during my nighttime forays. Now, with that established, let’s begin the most recent compilation of thoughts.

Sometimes I worry that Fiona will get eczema. It’s not that I worry inherently because eczema is this horrible life sentence or anything, but I worry that she’ll get pulled into a world of quick-fix medications and will end up down the road looking and feeling like me. She’s got such lovely baby skin (minus the occasional acne… did you know that babies get acne?!), that I just want to make sure she gets half a chance to keep it. 

Now this fear is also blatantly ignoring all the progress that is developing in the eczema treatment world. Like not all doctors (just all the ones I’ve seen) push steroids as their first line of defense. And naturally I would push back at anyone that tried to get me to slather creamy crack on an infant (is a 5 month old baby still considered an infant?). But at the same time, it would be nice if I didn’t have to prep for a fight.

But as neither of these things has happened yet (Fi getting eczema or me fighting her future dermatologists for less reactionary medicines), essentially this post is all about me and my imaginary battles. It’s good to know I am firmly rooted in reality in my day to day (or should I say night to night) insomnia life.

Continuing on about imaginary battles, I have a really weird way of going about reading books. I still have a library pile that has looming due date deadlines that I hope to meet, but I am being slowed by the amount of health-related books I got that I just can’t get myself to chug through. There are certain styles of writing that I really enjoy consuming, but lately all the books I’ve gotten in the health-esque field are not of that style. They are often overly repetitive, which drives me nuts. If I have to read page after page where you are going to say the same thing, I should just commit to the first paragraph of each chapter and move on! But of course I can’t actually do that; I pigheadedly must finish them thus, there we have the the “imaginary battle” bit.

At the moment I am stuck with this one book on obesity, but have started seeing another book on the side. Yes, I know that’s cheating but I need to find some pleasure in reading here! I just finished this book called Worlds of Childhood: The Art and Craft of Writing for Children, and it features the commentary of six children’s authors who talk about why they write, how they got into writing about said book topics, and just generally gives a taste of their process and their mentalities. It’s AWESOME. It’s quite inspiring and makes me want to write children’s books but I’ll table that idea for another day because lord knows I am already too easily inspired by what I read.

Also the power went off last night. I know this because Fi woke me up during the outage and then I had to make sure to put her in more layers as we didn’t know how long the heat would be off. That thought then made me realize I may not be able to take a bath/shower when I got up, which was a terrifying thought. I rely on such morning methods to help remove the newest skin exoskeleton I have acquired over night and to help wet the skin so applying moisturizer does something besides lotion-coat dead skin. It’s crazy how much eczema requires me to be dependent. I need central heat control and access to hot water plumbing and places to curl up in a ball from insomnia exhaustion. Not to mention the large amount of products I try out and go through. So then I had to plan out my battle strategy for having no shower/bath, which basically came down to me asking Jake if he thoughts power would be back on by the time I “woke up”.

Speaking of products, as my hands have been cracking quite badly overnight, I decided to try out liquid bandaids (because regular ones won’t adhere to my dry skin, and they certainly can’t stick to my skin if I’m covered in moisturizer). So there I am trying out these bandaids and oh my frick do they burn. I mean they smell like acetone (think nail polish remover), so I don’t know why I’m surprised, but holy hellabore they are not fun to apply. They basically act like glue and pull the skin back together, which is great, save for the fact that most of the cuts are on my knuckles, so bending my fingers pops the glue seal. Oh well. At least I felt a little less dried out today (…or yesterday. Time is a relative thing when you insomnia blog but don’t post actually get around to posting anything until a day or two later). If these liquid bandaids lead to great healing, well then the momentary application pain is worth it. I can firmly say, having continued this post the next night, that the bandaids did not lead to great healing. Oh well.

Well here I am again writing at 2am. Fi woke up to feed around 1am and now my mind is still trudging along. It’s not randomly snowing tonight so instead of having that magical snow-covered lightness about the world, I’m over here like this guinea pig (on the right). That video cracks Jake up every time. In fact I’ll know if he reads my post tomorrow because I’ll hear hysterical laughter-induced coughing if so. No pressure, Jake. I’ll just be low-key waiting for that as proof that you read my posts. 

Anyway tonight I’m trying an experiment where I just keep on re-applying moisturizer whenever Fi wakes me up, especially to my hands. So far my hands do feel softer, but it’s not stopping them from drying the evergreen out, or from the skin of my knuckles cracking like the grand canyon did long ago. But I’ll persevere and assess the progress in the morning. Later morning I mean. Until then I’ll continue to battle my overnight fissuring skin tendencies. It’s me versus moisture-loss.  Who will win? Place your bets in the comments below!