insomnia nights: fighting imaginary battles

Photo from wiki

Since I get insomnia a lot and end up writing a lot of blog posts between 1 and 4am, I figured I’d start a series called “insomnia nights” which will feature the weird places my mind goes during my nighttime forays. Now, with that established, let’s begin the most recent compilation of thoughts.

Sometimes I worry that Fiona will get eczema. It’s not that I worry inherently because eczema is this horrible life sentence or anything, but I worry that she’ll get pulled into a world of quick-fix medications and will end up down the road looking and feeling like me. She’s got such lovely baby skin (minus the occasional acne… did you know that babies get acne?!), that I just want to make sure she gets half a chance to keep it. 

Now this fear is also blatantly ignoring all the progress that is developing in the eczema treatment world. Like not all doctors (just all the ones I’ve seen) push steroids as their first line of defense. And naturally I would push back at anyone that tried to get me to slather creamy crack on an infant (is a 5 month old baby still considered an infant?). But at the same time, it would be nice if I didn’t have to prep for a fight.

But as neither of these things has happened yet (Fi getting eczema or me fighting her future dermatologists for less reactionary medicines), essentially this post is all about me and my imaginary battles. It’s good to know I am firmly rooted in reality in my day to day (or should I say night to night) insomnia life.

Continuing on about imaginary battles, I have a really weird way of going about reading books. I still have a library pile that has looming due date deadlines that I hope to meet, but I am being slowed by the amount of health-related books I got that I just can’t get myself to chug through. There are certain styles of writing that I really enjoy consuming, but lately all the books I’ve gotten in the health-esque field are not of that style. They are often overly repetitive, which drives me nuts. If I have to read page after page where you are going to say the same thing, I should just commit to the first paragraph of each chapter and move on! But of course I can’t actually do that; I pigheadedly must finish them thus, there we have the the “imaginary battle” bit.

At the moment I am stuck with this one book on obesity, but have started seeing another book on the side. Yes, I know that’s cheating but I need to find some pleasure in reading here! I just finished this book called Worlds of Childhood: The Art and Craft of Writing for Children, and it features the commentary of six children’s authors who talk about why they write, how they got into writing about said book topics, and just generally gives a taste of their process and their mentalities. It’s AWESOME. It’s quite inspiring and makes me want to write children’s books but I’ll table that idea for another day because lord knows I am already too easily inspired by what I read.

Also the power went off last night. I know this because Fi woke me up during the outage and then I had to make sure to put her in more layers as we didn’t know how long the heat would be off. That thought then made me realize I may not be able to take a bath/shower when I got up, which was a terrifying thought. I rely on such morning methods to help remove the newest skin exoskeleton I have acquired over night and to help wet the skin so applying moisturizer does something besides lotion-coat dead skin. It’s crazy how much eczema requires me to be dependent. I need central heat control and access to hot water plumbing and places to curl up in a ball from insomnia exhaustion. Not to mention the large amount of products I try out and go through. So then I had to plan out my battle strategy for having no shower/bath, which basically came down to me asking Jake if he thoughts power would be back on by the time I “woke up”.

Speaking of products, as my hands have been cracking quite badly overnight, I decided to try out liquid bandaids (because regular ones won’t adhere to my dry skin, and they certainly can’t stick to my skin if I’m covered in moisturizer). So there I am trying out these bandaids and oh my frick do they burn. I mean they smell like acetone (think nail polish remover), so I don’t know why I’m surprised, but holy hellabore they are not fun to apply. They basically act like glue and pull the skin back together, which is great, save for the fact that most of the cuts are on my knuckles, so bending my fingers pops the glue seal. Oh well. At least I felt a little less dried out today (…or yesterday. Time is a relative thing when you insomnia blog but don’t post actually get around to posting anything until a day or two later). If these liquid bandaids lead to great healing, well then the momentary application pain is worth it. I can firmly say, having continued this post the next night, that the bandaids did not lead to great healing. Oh well.

Well here I am again writing at 2am. Fi woke up to feed around 1am and now my mind is still trudging along. It’s not randomly snowing tonight so instead of having that magical snow-covered lightness about the world, I’m over here like this guinea pig (on the right). That video cracks Jake up every time. In fact I’ll know if he reads my post tomorrow because I’ll hear hysterical laughter-induced coughing if so. No pressure, Jake. I’ll just be low-key waiting for that as proof that you read my posts. 

Anyway tonight I’m trying an experiment where I just keep on re-applying moisturizer whenever Fi wakes me up, especially to my hands. So far my hands do feel softer, but it’s not stopping them from drying the evergreen out, or from the skin of my knuckles cracking like the grand canyon did long ago. But I’ll persevere and assess the progress in the morning. Later morning I mean. Until then I’ll continue to battle my overnight fissuring skin tendencies. It’s me versus moisture-loss.  Who will win? Place your bets in the comments below! 

 

Author: Cally

aspiring writer, bibliophile, botanical enthusiast, human with eczema, wife to @lumbercake

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