all posts, parentings/things about baby and kids

the baby and the necklace

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I’m combining all my other blogs’ content to this site. Please bear with me as I post older content.  🙂

There are so many clichés to explain how fast babies seem to grow up. I don’t love them because they feel overly desirous for a past self of a child when the current version can be equally if not more exciting to witness, but I do understand where they are coming from.

It’s true that babies do change in frequent, inconsistent bursts. For example, my non-sleeping baby is becoming a multiple-a-day napping toddler. She also is becoming what I can only describe as delightfully aware and intuitive.

Today, I nostalgically decided to wear a necklace my husband got me at the Massachusetts Renaissance Faire. It in itself is full of memories of change: the MA Renn Faire was the first one I’d gone to in years, with a partner, as an adult, and in New England, so wearing it today was a happy fluke.

My baby was particularly intrigued by it, but unlike her behavior everyday  previous, this time she neither tugged the necklace around my neck too hard, nor tried to eat the pendant.

So I did what any curious mama might do, and started to unclasp it from around my neck. The baby watched with her big curious attentive eyes. Then I began to clasp it behind her neck while she faced me, and I got to witness a delightful smile break across her face as she (I am assuming) realized what this transaction was.

After the necklace was placed and the pendant lay somewhere between her sternum and her belly button, she happily looked down and gently took the pendant in her baby paws again and again. But yet at no point did she pull it or try to eat it. Instead she just continued to savor its presence, and repeatedly looked down on it in between breastfeeding.

Then later after forgetting it was on her, she was playing with other toys when she re-noticed it as it gently hit against her shirt while maneuvering through her world.

Now maybe this isn’t so crazy of a tale for an outsider, but this same baby picks bits of dust or crumbs off the floor and shoves them in her mouth. She has been known to pull my hair and then suddenly gives an aggressive tug to a few strands, and I’ll feel the sharp snap as hairs get pulled out.

So how is it that this same little being, who has maybe seen me wear a necklace once before over 3 months ago, could change her behavior so drastically in receiving a new object (of course it is forever hers now).

The magic of change, though frightening, never fails to delight me with this little one.

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all posts, eczema, parentings/things about baby and kids, women's health

on breastfeeding, breastmilk, and NPR

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Photo by Daria Shevtsova on Pexels.com

I’m combining all my other blogs’ content to this site. Please bear with me as I post older content.  🙂

A while back I took a class on breastfeeding at the hospital where I planned to deliver (North Shore Medical Center Salem Hospital). Below I’ve outlined some of the notes I took as they pertain to women’s health, as well as my own thoughts.

As many people are saying, “breast is best”, it’s interesting to look into why. Studies have shown breast feeding can help women lose some of the pregnancy weight faster as you are expelling energy to produce milk. It can also help reduce your risks of ovarian cancer, breast cancer, heart disease, and type 2 diabetes, as well as it releases hormones to calm you down.

But what’s actually going on in the body when it produces milk? The glands that produce milk (alveoli) send the milk to ducts which lead to the nipple opening. The baby draws the milk out when sucking, and the more the baby drinks, the more our breasts produce. At first we only produce colostrum, which is this fatty liquid that has all kinds of goodies like antibodies and beta carotene for our babies newly-developing immune system and gut. Then the real milk comes in after about 3-5 days. When a baby started nursing each time, first (s)he will get the foremilk which is mostly composed of water, and after feeding for a few minutes (up to 10 minutes) the hindmilk (which is a lot fattier) follows. The Letdown Reflex happens each time the baby feeds and it is when the baby has latched and the breasts transition from letting out foremilk to hindmilk. Some women can feel the letdown reflex happening (described as pins and needles or some localized tightness) but many women feel nothing.

But how does breastfeeding feel? Well, apparently it is a very novel sensation to most when the baby first latches (it definitely was in my experience) and for many it is difficult to get a good latch and takes some practice! The biggest worry is that a baby who has latched poorly and is just hooked onto your nipple and so (s)he will cause the mom pain. The way to avoid this is to make sure the baby gets more of the areola in its mouth rather than just the nipple. To detach a baby from your nipple if they are incorrectly latched, you definitely don’t want to just pull them off (ouch), but instead you should insert a clean finger into their mouth to break the suction, by running your finger along their gum line.

Also leaking is normal, especially at the beginning of breastfeeding, but it usually does slow down and stop as you continue breastfeeding and your baby gets used to it. You can use nursing pads and also press your nipple/cross your arms when you feel like you are leaking to help to try and stop it.

What about your diet; how does it affect the breastmilk? What can you eat? From this class I was told you can eat and drink anything, it’s just a matter of seeing what your baby’s reaction is (if they get gassy, fussy, hiccup-y, etc after a meal, check back to see what you last eat). Obviously some things to consider are making sure things like alcohol and caffeine are out of your system before you breastfeed (I think the advice was if you have an alcoholic drink, you don’t want to feel tipsy, and you want to wait about 2 hours before you breastfeed… but don’t quote me on those hours). Also for babies that have occult blood (invisible blood in the baby’s stool), the first things a doctor may advise you to avoid are probably dairy and soy, because they are the most common culprits that irritate the babies developing gastro-intestinal system (this is what occurred in my experience). The Kelly Mom blog has a post that goes into food sensitivities in more detail.

For pumping, the advice was not to start until 3-4 weeks unless needed and to make sure you get a pump with a suction cup that is sized correctly to your breast; you don’t want your nipple squished on the sides. The other advice was to pump in the morning, or after a baby’s feeding (I believe about 30 minutes after is the recommendation).

For general nipple care, the advice was to try using your own breast milk around the inflamed area first. Then you can try lansinoh or coconut oil on tender area, and then if it’s really bad, use manuka honey (here’s a cream made with it), but wash it off before feeding the baby.

Other painful aspects about breastfeeding include:

  • Engorgement: this occurs when you don’t breastfeed enough so your breasts become swollen and hard. Regularly nursing helps prevent this, but if you need to you can also remove milk by hand (or what’s called expressing milk) you can use a pump. Just express until your breasts are no longer hard. Cold compresses can also be used after feeding to help bring down the swelling. To express, massage the breast tissue and then grab above and below the breast with your thumb and forefinger and press back towards your chest wall, then gently squeeze, moving your hand all around to help drain multiple areas.
  • Mastitis: this is the most common problem, and it is when your breast gets infected with bacteria, causing pain. You will probably have a fever or other flu-like symptoms as well. This can occur from blocked ducts, nipple injuries, or problems with breastfeeding. You want to call the doctor if you feel this has occurred. Also also make sure to wash your hands frequently to reduce infection risk.
  • Blocked ducts: this is caused by not relieving the breasts. A blocked duct will feel sore and tender. Try taking a warm shower and apply moist heat, and/or gently massage before breast feeding. Also try expressing after feedings if you still feel engorged.
  • Yeast infection: this will cause your nipples to be shiny, red, and painful. Yeast (also called thrush) can also grow in your baby’s mouth so look for cottage cheese looking stuff in their cheeks.

Who can you call for help? Nowadays you can call your doctor, your baby’s pediatrician, and/or some hospitals also have lactation support groups (sometimes free), or lactation consultants (usually not free) that you can call to get one-on-one help.

A little more about breastmilk. In lieu of my own little own having some kind of sickness, I’ve been looking more into breastmilk’s functions. This searching led me to this internet viral photo showing how a mom’s breastmilk changed when her infant got sick. The 2013 study mentioned in that post talks about breastmilk’s immunological function and explains how when the mom or baby get sick, the number of leukocytes (aka white blood cells) in the breastmilk drastically increases to help protect them, because leukocytes help fight disease. I find that to be such a cool example of symbiosis. I personally have also noticed that breastfeeding seems to keep both me and the baby from getting some of the sicknesses that were going around (my mom, mother-in-law, and husband each got sick after the baby was born while the two moms were visiting!).

Lastly, I also read an article by NPR addressing the breastfeeding versus formula debate for poor countries.  The major points that this article made were that formula is not a godsend for impoverished countries for the following reasons:

  • formula requires water to make it, of which clean sources are not always available
  • formula causes increased risks of diarrhea and respiratory infections, and
  • formula can cost up to 30% of a families income, and subsequently families made dilute the formula to make it last longer, which reduces the amount of nutrients the baby gets per serving.

The article also talked about how it’s weird that we are constantly trying to research the benefits of breastfeeding when it’s as natural as “breathing, chewing, hearing, passing stool”. It also went on to explain that even an underfed mom can make excellent quality milk, and as for quantity, it is also enough except in the case of severe malnutrition. The latter point is interesting to me because I hear a lot of moms, including myself with babies labeled as “failure to thrive”, which essentially means our babies aren’t gaining weight at a rate that the medical professional expects. In my case, the doctor assumed I wasn’t producing enough milk and told me to supplement with formula. It turned out that my baby drank the same amount of formula as I was producing of milk, so I wasn’t the common denominator and rather my baby just drank only tiny amounts per feed. I’m curious as to why there are many medical professionals that believe many moms can’t produce enough milk when studies may be showing the contrary.

Anyway, the article ended by saying that it is up to the mom on how they want to provide for their child, however, it is important that they have accurate information to make informed decisions. This means that we would need to reform the system so doctors are never paid to handout formula samples, and on in which moms are not incentivized by free samples to use formula.

 

 

all posts, parentings/things about baby and kids, women's health

on new adventures (sleep training and postpartum doula training)

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Photo by Oliver Sjöström on Pexels.com

I’m combining all my other blogs’ content to this site. Please bear with me as I post older content.  🙂

Hello again. It’s been a while since I’ve posted any content, in fact I think I haven’t posted since I was in my second trimester!

Well, I have since given birth to my beautiful little one, Fiona, and am now working through a new stage of life with her: sleep training.

It may seem a bit late as she is almost 7 months now but in reality sleep training can be initiated at any age. In my case, in her earlier months I was so worried about her weight gain (as she is small and has been consistently in the 5% quartile) and her potential food sensitivities that I was eating (she’s exclusively breastfed and she occasionally had blood in her stool), that I focused on nothing else.

As a result, Fi now appears to be in a bad holding pattern where she fluctuates between waking up twice a night to waking up every hour or so from 12pm-5am and fighting going back down to sleep unless I feed her. Her daytime naps are a total crapshoot (sometimes she sleeps like a goddess, other times she will fight it for hours but is too tired to do anything else).

So, I am working on reading through the research about various techniques to go about breaking the latter habit, looking at everything from the Ferber Method to the Sears Method. I’ll be headed to the library later today to get the official books on various methods, but in the meantime, from scouring the internet at 2am, here are a few of the suggestions (from secondary sources):

The gradual retreat/disappearing chair method

  1. place chair by crib
  2. put baby down when drowsy then sit on chair
  3. when baby cries, go to her and pat/stroke her but avoid eye contact
  4. when baby stops crying, move chair slightly further away and sit
  5. if baby cries again repeat pat/stroke and no eye contact
  6. when baby stops crying move chair further back again
  7. repeat until baby is asleep. might take 10 minutes for them to fall into deep sleep

The kissing game method

  1. put baby down when drowsy and promise to return in a minute to give a kiss
  2. return almost immediate to give another kiss
  3. take a few steps towards door then return and give another kiss
  4. promise to return in a minute to give another kiss
  5. put something away/do somethin in room, then give another kiss. 6. promise to return in a minute for another kiss
  6. pop outside room for a few seconds then return for a kiss
  7. as long as child is lying down she gets more kisses (no chat, cuddles, stories, drinks)
  8. repeat until child is asleep

The Ferber Method

  1. put baby in crib awake, turn off lights, say goodnight and leave room
  2. if baby cries, come back after predetermined time (a minute or two). Pat baby in reassuring way but don’t pick up. Leave room promptly
  3. this time stay out of the room slightly longer before returning to reassure baby
  4. continue with longer and longer periods of time
  5. if baby wakes in the middle of the night, start back over with lowest wait time at beginning of night
  6. on second night, wait a little longer than previous night (so first night try for example 3 min, 5 min, 10 min. second night try 5 min, 10 min, 12 min)

The night weaning method

  1. start gradually by nursing baby shorter periods of time or giving smaller amounts of milk in bottle, prolong time between feedings by patting baby to sleep
  2. make sure baby get plenty to eat during day (decrease distractions)
  3. offer extra feeding in evening
  4. avoid weaning during transitions (vacations, traveling, teething)
  5. have non-boob feeder comfort during night
  6. eliminate feedings one at a time. tell her she can nurse in teh morning. pat her belly/back

The pick up, put down method

  1. if baby cries when first put down, put hand on her chest with “shhh” or key phrase
  2. if that doesn’t work, pick up and repeat phase
  3. when she stops crying but is still awake, but her back down even if she starts to cry on way down
  4. if still crying, pick her up again. do until you can see signs that baby is settling (cries getting weaker)
  5. when behavior settling, don’t pick up anymore. place hand on chest and say phrase
  6. leave room
  7. if baby starts to cry, repeat process again as many times as needed until she’s asleep

The nighttime crier method

  1. put baby down when drowsy
  2. Visit baby briefly ever 5-15 min if she’s crying
  3. make visits boring, brief, but supportive
  4. do not remove child from crib (no rocking if you do). Most babies cry 30-90 min then fall asleep
  5. middle of night crying: temporary hold baby until asleep (helpful for transitions) if she cries for more than 10 min. little talking, no lights. dad is often more effective 6. give baby security object 7. phase out nighttime holding

The overall commonalities between all these methods is that you first have to have a good bedtime routine established, and that you should feel free to adjust the timings as you feel best fits your baby.

So far we’ve attempted sleep training once with Fiona (last night in fact), and it took hours to get her down. Jake had to do it because she got ragingly upset if I tried to and me attending to her didn’t result in her getting fed. I am handling the nap version of this today (so far unsuccessfully) and then we’ll see how tonight fares.

Speaking of how things fare, that brings me to my other adventure. I have finally gone and signed up for a postpartum doula course and will be working my way through that in the coming months. I might just skip ahead to do the reading that pertains to sleep habits and use the material to help inform my ongoing real life experience. I’ll be taking the little one to the library next to where we live to stock up on the necessary books and then I’ll come home and work through them with her.

More to come about my course and in depth sleep training experimenting with Fiona soon!

all posts, parentings/things about baby and kids, women's health

prepared childbirth: the skin plan

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I’m combining all my other blogs’ content to this site. Please bear with me as I post older content. 🙂

In April of 2018, my husband and I attended a 6-hour class on childbirth preparation. I’ll go into a few details about specifics we learned, though it is important to keep in mind, different hospitals and different OBs may have different practices than what we were told.

The whole view around labor now, is that modern medicine is more than capable of helping pregnant folk with the pain. The thing they can’t fix is if we get fatigued. Fatigue is the biggest predictor of if there will be a need for an unplanned Cesarian section because if we laboring women wear ourselves out before we are in the pushing stage, we won’t be able to physically get the baby out into the world. This becomes even more important to note when the pregnant mama-to-be is already battling eczema and it’s host of fatigue-induced symptoms like sleep deprivation.

The first topic the educator went into were ways to conserve energy, aka ways to relax. Physiologically and mentally, giving birth is draining. Mentally, there is pain, so she explained the options our specific hospital has to allow women to cope.

  • Analgesics – I can’t remember the specific names of the two that are put into the IVs but essentially, all of the analgesic options help take the edge off. They don’t make the pain of contractions disappear, but they chemically help to relax the muscles, which allows for us to perceive less pain. How it works is that it helps us waste less energy reacting to pain, decreasing how much we stiffen up from feeling pain or how we can’t relax between contractions. The two analgesics mentioned in the class do cross the placenta, and thus can affect the baby, so the educator advised that if we want these ones to request them before we are 9cm dilated so that there is more of a chance of it getting out of the baby’s system before the baby is born. Otherwise the baby will also get some of that chemical relaxation affect and may then score poorly on the APGAR test (because they will be unfocused and floppy). The third type of analgesic mentioned was nitrous oxide (aka NO, or that’s right, laughing gas!). It does not cross the placenta nor affect the baby but its catch is that only the mom herself can administer this drug. She has to be able to hold the mask to her own face and breathe and then remove it on her own (for legal reasons). Now how do these chemicals affect the skin of someone with eczema?
  • Epidurals – There are two types used: the local or the full. The local (which has gotten the misleading name of “the walking epidural”) numbs the woman’s body from basically her chest to her groin. Though theoretically her legs would still have feeling, if you can’t feel your abdominals or other stabilizing core muscles, you really can’t walk. The full epidural numbs all the way down to the feet, and it is administered when you have to go into an unplanned C-section. When you get a local epidural you have to go in to the C-position on the bed (or that position we see women giving birth in in movies all the time), and you will have to be cued of when to push because the epidural numbs you from feeling any pain of the contractions at all. Supposedly you will still feel something, but most often it is described as a distant pressure.

The rub with all these options for medical pain killers (analgesics and epidurals) is that they can have the unintended consequence of slowing down the labor. If they cause you to be too relaxed, particularly your uterus, you run the risk of the doctor then needing to give you something to “get you back on track”. What this means is that they will add pitocin (a manmade version of oxytocin) to stimulate stronger contractions. The catch-22 of pitocin is that, unlike oxytocin which is made naturally by your body and will gradually increase your contractions to some extent, pitocin is more of a 0-to-60-in-no-time kind of drug, and often times women report that it makes contractions much more painful. It definitely did in my case.

If you have a scheduled C-section, you will be given a spinal tap, which is when the medication is administered so it goes into your spinal fluid. You will then lay down and a tarp will cover you from the chest down (though you can request a see-through one if you want to watch the procedure) and your arms will be tied in a T shape so that one can have constantly blood pressure monitoring, and the other can have the IV in place. Afterwards, depending on the hospital, you may be able to have the baby wrapped up against your body after they have taken the baby for cleaning and screenings, or you can have your partner do skin-to-skin contact if you are too tired/out of it.

Which brings me back to mentioning induction. A hospital can have a few reasons to induce, and I think it can vary by hospital/practice. One reason is if your baby may be late. Apparently, it is common to induce around week 39 now because it allows for an extra week in utero so that if the due date was off by 7 days, you are at least on week 38 (week 38-42 is deemed the safe range for a baby to be born and be totally developed but also still get enough nutrients from the placenta).

Fun fact: did you know they figure out the age of the baby, and whether they were right or not at their predictions, by the placenta? Apparently, it ages and you can figure out when it formed by its coloration!).

Back to induction; so what normally causes labor to start? Scientists and doctors have no idea what triggers the chemical to be released at that specific time, but they do know that prostaglandin is the chemical that sets it all in motion. This is because prostaglandin cause the cervix to soften. Many women when seeing a OB/GYN probably learned that the cervix feels like “the cartilage at the tip of your nose” or something like that. Well when we are going into labor, we want it to soften so that it can then efface (or thin out) and make way for the baby. So first, if you need to be induced, they will add prostaglandin to you (either via an IV or through a suppository inserted in your vagina that has to dissolve). If that works and your cervix softens, then you are given pitocin to make the uterus contract. Then if all goes well, you’ll quickly ramp up in contractions and soon progress to the pushing stage.

So what happens during this first stage, the contractions? Well, like I mentioned before, the focus is on controlling pain so that you don’t tire yourself out. That’s really it. As your body works on the contractions and starts to dilate your cervix to 10 cm, you aren’t really an active participant, so you just have to find ways to bear the pain/discomfort without wasting your energy staying balled up or tiring yourself out. Unmedicated suggestions they mention are (and again this depends on the hospital you are at) using a hospital bath/whirlpool to relax the muscles, sitting on a PT ball, moving around and changing position (if you didn’t get an epidural), taking deep breathing (always need to keep breathing and never hold your breathe- it makes you tight/wastes energy), visualizing something calming, etc. The educator also mentioned how if you are “stalling” or your contractions aren’t going at the speed the doctor thinks they should, and he/she feels they may need to give you pitocin, that you should request an extra 30 minutes and do everything from listen to music, 6th grade slow dancing with your partner, cuddle, kiss, or get up and move around (if you didn’t have an epidural). This is because all these actions can help release more oxytocin, which helps force those contractions to continue.

Then when you’ve finally reached 10 cm dilation, the pushing stage can begin. There are many ways one can go about the breathing during the pushing stage, but the advice was that you want to push when having a contraction (more force) and that at that point you generally tuck your chin to your chest to help exert more downward pressure. If the contractions are going for 60 seconds, you want to take 2 deep breaths right before it starts and then breathe out while pushing, take a smaller breath in (you don’t want to take a deep breathe in because the baby is kind of yo-yoing inside of you and you want to make sure you are pushing it down faster during the contractions), and then breathe out while you squeeze out. After the contraction, relax. If the doctor tells you not to push during a contraction, bring your chin up high and try to resist the urge. A reason a doctor might tell you not to push is to adjust the cord around your baby.

The doctor will give you updates about the baby’s location relative to your pelvis. If they are lined up with the ischial tuberosities, they are at ground 0 and you will see the head soon. If they are not there yet and are still higher up, you’ll get a positive number (of centimeters), and if their head is already visible, you will get a negative number and will probably be seeing that baby very soon.

Then we have to talk about episiotomies. So at my hospital the rate is very low (under 2%), and they will only do it if they think the vaginal tissue is going to rip towards the urethra, in which case they will cut the perineum down a little bit (in the direction towards the rectum). If it doesn’t seem like the vaginal tissue is going to rip in that upward direction (which is determined if the tissue turns white, indicating it has stretched to its max and there is no more blood flowing through it), then instead they will apply a warm compress to the rectal area to help try to warm those muscles and tissues up to get them to relax and stretch a bit more. If they do need to cut you, they will give you a local anesthesia and then do a quick incision.

Also another thing to keep in mind if you are going to a hospital is what are the state laws. In my state, it is mandatory that the baby get antibiotic drops in their eyes, and I think the TB shot before they leave. They also will prick the baby’s foot to take blood for genetic screenings. It’s important to understand what procedures are required like that, so that way you don’t find yourself fighting a state law after you’ve given birth. Also, my hospital will put antibiotics in our IV’s during labor if the mom was positive for group strep B culture during a vaginal/rectal swap between week 35-37. Other than that, if a mom comes in dehydrated, she will also automatically be given an IV for her labor.

A big emphasis that the educator couldn’t say enough was that when you have your new baby, you really want to do skin-to-skin contact. It helps warm the baby up but also is an amazing bonding experience and helps calm both the mom and the baby down. Obviously this can be challenging as a mom with eczema. I found personally that I could hold my baby skin to skin right after the birth (but also note I had been on antibiotics during the birth), and then later when home would struggle with skin to skin, where as soon as my baby was asleep and I’d put her down for a nap, I’d need to scratch like crazy.

all posts, community, nature/the environment, parentings/things about baby and kids

on parenting, environmentalism, and community

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Photo by Craig Adderley on Pexels.com

I’m combining all my other blogs’ content to this site. Please bear with me as I post older content. 🙂

I read the book Achtung Baby by Sara Zaske, which was a great read all about the differences in parenting mentalities and practices of Germany (specifically Berlin) versus the U.S. It covered categories ranging from policies about children walking to and from school alone, to history courses offered at their respective schools and the differing practices when it comes to forming children’s senses of cultural and civic responsibility, to how to allow the children to establish confidence in themselves.

Zaske also addresses the importance of unstructured play on future development of children, and how to try to change/influences policies where you live.

I read this books, not to replace my own instincts in parenting my baby, but to understand how much of my parenting style is built from within a specific culture, and is not just “intuition”. The more I read, the more I see what culture I am blended within, and the more I can truly pick and choose what works best for me.

Of the “parenting” books, I have also read The Happiest Kids in the World by Rina Mae Acosta and Michele Hutchinson. It depicts two expats’ views on parenting, this time in the Netherlands. The expats were one British woman and one American woman talking about their insights into raising children (from infancy to eleven years of age) based on the fact that parenting in the Netherlands focuses on creating happy children. The whole society gets involved to make it a priority.

It’s a good read, and I recommend it for any parents who are worried that they are trying to push their children into checking off too many accomplishment boxes, without taking into account their children’s wants and preferences. Or it’s a fun read if you are just curious to understand how parenting is done in other places.

Previously, I also read Bringing Up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman, and French Twist by Catherine Crawford. So my distribution in countries has extended to Germany, France, and the Netherlands but I am working to expand that presently.

These books aren’t here to specifically instruct or convince readers on a certain way of how to parent per se. In fact, most of the authors are expats raising their kids in a new culture and then trying to blend that with their their own in attempt to find balance. However, they all do reflect on commonalities they see in whatever society they are part of at the time, the one that shapes their raising of children. They also do end up implanting little nuggets in the malleable pockets of my gray matter that make me question the status quo of my own culture. In particular, why does my culture (and many others) prioritize working above all?

How does removing playtime for young children and filling it with structured activities with parental supervision impact both the future generations of children as well as the parents currently doing the implementation? What can individuals do to try to mitigate the cascade of symptoms that lead to a cemented cultural practice enforced by litigation (the culture of suing everyone and everything for accidents)?

My mind is teeming with perceived implications for my own little one, and I’m wrought with fervor to carve out a way to achieve the most balanced route for her to grow as her own person. Now I wouldn’t say I worry about her future yet in the anxious melodramatic ways that bubbles into most of my thoughts, but I would say I’m genuinely curious about what happens next. How do I find like minded, community-based people who want to preserve the innocence of youth, but also encourage the growth of young independence in a society that looks to constant busyness as a sign of success? Is it possible within our societal framework? Also, what is happiness and how do we create a space for our children to discover it, and have it be lasting? More to come on this subject in later posts!

One last tie-in I have for today. I read a book called There’s No Such Thing As Bad Weather by Linda Åkeson McGurk, and it compared different aspects of parenting in Scandinavian countries versus the United States (and other English-speaking countries). Much of it compares how the way we raise our children in regards to their relationships with nature. According to McGurk, in Scandinavia they have more focus on outdoor education for young children so that when those children grow up, they continue to appreciate nature and are naturally (ha, pun) more inclined towards environmental protection.

But another large takeaway from the book was that your society has to support these kinds of initiatives. In some Scandinavian countries, people can cross over (or children can play on) other people’s private land/property (think huge backyards and fields) legally, so long as they don’t cause any damage.

The countries also work to instill independence and responsibility in their children by letting them take more age-appropriate risks (like 8 year olds walking to and from parks alone, or playing outside for hours after they’ve gradually learned the areas with their families). I also recently rewatched Lord of the Rings with my husband, and it always instills in me how important nature is to humans, and how much of humanity just sees it as something to conquer rather than a large part of our health and happiness. We forget that we need the good bacteria from the soil and plants, that the fresh air helps decrease infection and disease risks, that our food either comes from or is fed from nature, that we derive a sense of peace from greenery, and that we can find comfort with change by appreciating seasonal life cycles.

It feels like letting our children learn from and develop stronger appreciations from nature sets them up with a good baseline to be happier and healthier than we are. I’m excited to hear and see about all the different initiatives small communities in America enact to figure out the balance that works for each child and family.

all posts, eczema, parentings/things about baby and kids

sleep training and skin drying, a midwinter’s tale

cat sleeping
Photo by Fabricio Trujillo on Pexels.com

The little one is beginning to have a routine emerge. So far she fights all forms of sleep training and instead functions on a growing stable sets of principles.

  • Bedtime is 9pm.
  • Midnight to 2am is the start range for the late-night meal.
  • 5am-6am is the start range for the early morning meal, but a second attempt at sleeping afterwards will be successful.
  • 6am-8:30am is the relaxed independent wake-up time range where self play is initiated until boredom or some confined position occurs and it’s time to wake up mom.

At the moment, I don’t really mind this schedule, save for experiencing the skin drying out feeling each time I wake up. The apartment has central heating, which equates to forced air from ceiling vents, which feels great but does tend to dry me out especially as I’m up three times each “night” period. I have a moisturizer by my bed (which I’m starting to think every non-moisturizer withdrawing person should do) so every time I get back in it I reapply to all my problem spots (feet and hands primarily, but also knees and elbows).

It’s annoying because we’ve officially hit that time of year where there’s a consistent wetness in the air outside, and temperatures vary from 40 to 14 Fahrenheit. As a result, my skin gets damp and itchy, I’m constantly bundling up to stay warm, and I can’t keep moisturize on my skin to save my life.

But back to Fiona. Last night she fell asleep at 7pm instead of 9pm (which was a feat in itself and aided by the fact that she hadn’t napped since the morning). What was the result? Feedings at 9pm and 3am, and we’ll see where the terminal night feed lands, but I’d guess it will be around 5am now.

I think it’s fascinating that she has her own internal clock developing. She has never been a great sleeper but she is slowly adding hours in like with a late morning nap she eventually takes that lasts from 2 to 3.5 hours. At first I was really frazzled that she didn’t do what all the books and sites say, which was to settle down around 6pm and be asleep by 6:30/7pm consistently, but then I realized it wasn’t helping either of us that I was getting stressed out when no amount of routining could successfully have her asleep before 8pm each night. She also got so inconsolable with our few day stints of attempts to sleep train her, and it would carry on into the next day. When I finally stopped trying to get her on the “normal” schedule, she got happier, so I got happier, so she slept longer, so I slept longer, and my skin started to heal more- winter dryness and all.

That had been a hugely frustrating part of this new baby life. There are so many external pressures to have a baby that conforms to the general standards that society has deemed the norm, that when yours doesn’t, it can be so mentally taxing.

For example, so many of the pediatricians I saw told me Fiona was too small, therefore not eating enough. The newest pediatrician pulled up the growth curve and showed that Fiona was tracking perfectly for a baby in the 5 percentile (aka she is growing consistently, but is a small baby as far as “norms” go). But instead of understanding that for the first 6 or so months, I lived in fear that I wasn’t feeding her enough, but also knowing that I was on the most hypoallergenic diet I could be (no dairy, soy, gluten, eggs, rice, oats, corn) and that breastfeeding reduced her risk of getting eczema. It was a vicious mental gymnastic I had to contend with, with every comment about how small she was, or every assumption that when she cried that she was hungry, really sucker punching me in the gut. It amped my stress levels up so much and so it is little wonder I had stagnant skin healing for months (on top of fluctuations in my amounts of sleep).

But now, though some of the old thoughts still rear their ugly heads, I have found more peace with the situation, especially as I see Fiona make developmental milestones. And subsequently new calmness is helping my lizard skin slowly regain its shine, even if this north east winter is trying its darnest to dry me out.